you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
