No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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