i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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