i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
