I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
