Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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