It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
