Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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