She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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