we have officially lost it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
