I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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