I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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