he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
