This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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