I hate all girls vehemently.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
