New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
