Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
