I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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