Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i drank out of a bidet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
