He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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