she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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