I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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