I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
