I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
