I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
