whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
