Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
