Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
