I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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