Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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