After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
