The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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