I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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