Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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