I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The Olympian is in my bed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
