I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
