She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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