By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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