my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize