i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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