I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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