Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
