i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
