i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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