All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
a search helicopter?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
