oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
