why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
