just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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