woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
