After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
