Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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