totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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