just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
