why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
