She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
