I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
