Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
