He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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