Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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