A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
