piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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