Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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