Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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