nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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