if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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