There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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