so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
