I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
false alarm. still invincible.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
