So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
