Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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