He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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