Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
