I haven't been this sober since birth.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
