Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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