What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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