Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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