benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
