NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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