so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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