This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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