My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
