i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
